five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There's always time for handjobs
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
