Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
