i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
