Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
