woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
