It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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