They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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