I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
