I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
