So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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