If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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