i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I need a burrito and a hug.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
