dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
