Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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