matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
