Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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