honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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