if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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