My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
