Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
