Who wears a wallet chain?!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
