franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
