I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Randomize
