our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
