My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
