Screwed.edu
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
