i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize