I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
