I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize