I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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