I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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