omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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