Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
