I hate your face
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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