He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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