Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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