thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize