My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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