remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just pee around me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
