She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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