I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
