i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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