shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
