It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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