wake up i wanna do it froggy style
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
