He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
