Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
