There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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