Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
