Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
