If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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