He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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