Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
