I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
