My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
